England squad for Euro 2012:

Goalkeepers:
Joe Hart (Man City)
Rob Green (West Ham)
John Ruddy (Norwich)

Defenders:
Glen Johnson (Liverpool)
Phil Jones (Man United)
John Terry (Chelsea)
Joleon Lescott (Man City)
Gary Cahill (Chelsea)
Ashley Cole (Chelsea)
Leighton Baines (Everton)

Midfielders:
Theo Walcott (Arsenal)
Stewart Downing (Liverpool)
Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain (Arsenal)
Steven Gerrard (Liverpool) CAPTAIN
Gareth Barry (Man City)
Frank Lampard (Chelsea)
Scott Parker (Tottenham)
Ashley Young (Man United)
James Milner (Man City)

Forwards:
Wayne Rooney (Man United)
Danny Welbeck (Man United)
Andy Carroll (Liverpool)
Jermain Defoe (Tottenham)

Standby players:
Jack Butland (Birmingham City) – goalkeeper
Phil Jagielka (Everton) – defender
Jordan Henderson (Liverpool) – midfielder
Adam Johnson (Manchester City) – midfielder
Daniel Sturridge (Chelsea) – forward.

Notable absences;
Kyle Walker (injury)
Ryan Taylor
Stephen Taylor (injury)
Rio Ferdinand (unfit)
Chris Smalling (injury)
Ryan Shawcross
Micah Richards
Aaron Lennon
Joey Barton (massive twat)
Jack Rodwell (injury)
Jack Wilshere (injury/unfit)
Tom Huddlestone (injury)
David Beckham (Olympics?)
Michael Carrick
Peter Crouch
Darren Bent (injury)
Others e.g Ben Foster, Paul Scholes, Jamie Carragher retired from international football.

Controversies;
Rob Green – Championship player
Stewart Downing – off form for most of season
Andy Carroll – few goals this season
Jermain Defoe – mostly used as sub this season

”Jean Olivier-Marty on Twitter: “I am very happy with Carroll, Downing and Johnson in the squad… as a France supporter…”

Also on www.starburst.com

Fanboys vs. Zombies issue 1 (out now)

Writer: Sam Humphries

Illustrator: Jerry Gaylord

Publisher: Boom! 

Fanboys vs. Zombies

 Riding the zombie wave (or rather the waves of zombies), Fanboys vs. Zombies is the latest addition to the comic undead genre.
As you might have guessed from the title, it’s aimed at the fanboys (and girls). One of the first things you notice about Gaylord’s animation is that it’s very Chew-esque, which is a good thing, but it all seems a bit too colourful and cutesy for a zombie apocalypse.

The plot is quite thin – a group of friends (and a couple of enemies) known as ‘The Wrecking Crew’ meet up at the San Diego comic con, and end up fighting for their lives. There’s protagonist Rob, bitter at his former friend Kyle for stealing his girlfriend Jenna. They’re joined by Kyle’s free-spirited loudmouth sister Jenna, vain muscleman J-Mac, and Rob’s obligatory humorous fat friend Burger.

The characters are hardly original, but issue #1 introduces them all and lays out a brief back history.  You then have the cause of the apocalypse – a rather humorous in-joke about comic conventions, and a couple of pages of zombies later and it’s finished.

Hardly The Walking Dead, but harmless fun – more like zombies for tweens. Not the kind of comic you’ll be dying (pardon) to read the next issue of.

A CLOSER LOOK AT THE NEW PROMETHEUS AND DARK KNIGHT RISES TRAILERS

Two of this decade’s most hotly anticipated films released new trailers this week.  2-3 minute long trailers, with plenty of spoilers it would seem.  There has been increasing media attention on spoilers in trailers in recent months, with some critics believing they are going too far.  Not that this would put off any Alien or Batman fans one bit.

PROMETHEUS

Prometheus

In case you’ve been in stasis in outer space for several light years, Ridley Scott is returning to sci-fi with ‘Prometheus’, a project that started off as a prequel to his own Alien.  Then it wasn’t a prequel, then it was, now it officially isn’t.  But it does inhabit the same world, and will explore the planet and the dead alien race that the crew of the Nostromo first encounter in the 1979 film.

A stellar cast was assembled, namely Noomi Rapace, Michael Fassbender, Guy Pearce, Idris Elba, Logan Marshall-Green and Charlize Theron, all of whom have been in some of the most memorable film and TV in recent times.  Patrick Wilson also has a small part, and Ben Foster was rumoured to be in the movie for some time.

Prometheus looks set to be a film you can watch even if you haven’t seen any of the Alien movies (unlikely amongst Starburst readers), but if you have the following might make a bit more sense.

As an Alien fan finding out that the movie would not feature the dreaded xenomorph, I was wondering where the horror was going to come from.  I anticipated a sci-fi/adventure for most of the film, with a facehugger cameo and/or something nasty at the end.  But then I saw the most recent trailer, and any doubts I had (which had already dissipated with each new viral campaign) were gone.

As well as featuring some new nasties, notably some kind of intergalactic cobra and a face-eating/DNA altering entity or two, we also have the beings Scott promised to reveal more of – the ‘space jockey’ race that has kept fans talking for over 30 years.  In the trailer we learn that they ‘are leaving’ – for earth.   Do they know what’s already there, or coming, or are they just unsocial and hell-bent on interplanetary domination?  We know they are stopped – but by the Prometheus crew, the xenomorphs, or both?  Perhaps it is the humans’ fault that the bane of Ripley is unleashed on the planet in the first place?  The music sounds incredible, the artwork is true to Giger’s original artistic vision, and the planet created seems just as mysterious and spectacular as it was in Alien.

Prometheus

There is also some more insight into the main characters.

Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace) is obvious as the new Ripley, an enthusiastic archaeologist who becomes a reluctant warrior; although Rapace stated that she was her own character.

David (Michael Fassbender) is the obligatory android, who seems to be a Bishop but could easily turn out to be another Ash.

Peter Weyland (Guy Pearce) makes his first appearance (although his descendants have been in the other Alien movies), and it’s no surprise to learn that he’s got something of a God complex.  Although not in the feature length trailer, he has his own viral campaign in a futuristic TED conference.  According to Pearce, he’s ‘only in the film for a minute’, so we may have even treated to his entire performance already.  Perhaps we’ll see Yutani at some point too, Weyland’s future partner and the other half of one of the most evil corporations in movie history.

Meredith Vickers (Charlize Theron) seems to be the amoral corporate presence on board (and perhaps another android?), similar to Ash, Carter Burke or Weyland himself.

Janek (Idris Elba) is the ship’s captain and has already been likened to Captain Dallas from Aliens, although like Rapace has distanced his character from the other.

Of course at least one of the other character’s will be meeting a gruesome and untimely end (the trailer certainly suggests so), but perhaps not due to a post-dinner chest complaint unless Scott wants to get a bit postmodern and in-jokey.  Doubtful.

The generous trailer follows on from the aforementioned Weyland TED viral release, and the more recent and impressive David ‘advert’.

Scott won’t be resting easy though; he’ll soon be working on the prequel/sequel/remake (not this again) to his own Blade Runner, another sci-fi epic.  And with Scott, you can count on there being no crystal skulls in sight.

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES

The Dark Knight Rises poster

Not to be outdone, the caped crusader has a new equally long and spoilerific trailer out this week too.

In case you’ve been living in a bat cave for the last year or two, Christopher Nolan is bringing his take on the Batman franchise to an end with The Dark Knight Rises, as well as his own take on the Bane (Tom Hardy) and Catwoman (Anne Hathaway) characters, and the alleged introduction of Talia Al Ghul (Marion Cotillard), return of Ra’s A Ghul (Liam Neeson) and Scarecrow (Cillian Murphy) once more.

The rumour mill was in full motion for some time, with many fans expecting The Riddler to appear (and to be played by Johnny Depp), and a hope for some unexplored characters to finally make the big screen, with Dr. Hugo Strange a frontrunner at the end of 2010.  While there are still rumours and question marks over several characters and the role they will play, the plot seems pretty well known already.  Well, to an extent.

The film is partially based on graphic novels Knightfall, No Man’s Land and The Dark Knight Returns.  The main arc of Knightfall is Bane, a muscle-bound terrorist with a strength-inducing serum who has the brilliant idea to break all of Batman’s foes out of Arkham Asylum to weaken him.  When the time is ripe he breaks him, literally.  In No Man’s Land an earthquake hits Gotham City, isolating it and resulting in gang warfare breaking out.  In Dark Knight Returns, an older Batman comes out of retirement to fight crime once more, without the support or want of the government or Gotham City Police Department.  Dark Knight Returns was the original inspiration for the originally intended relaunch of Batman under Darren Aronofsky, with Clint Eastwood rumoured to be playing the retired hero.

It is already well known that Bane is the central antagonist and most of the viral campaigns, from the initial picture of Bane on Twitter to every recent trailer focusing on him.  Although not quite as big as he is meant to be, he is still big and strong, a military strategist/terrorist who instead of a strength serum has some kind of anaesthetic/steroid release attached to him to alleviate pain from an old injury.  Which handily will make him impervious to pain in hand to hand combat.  Scenes of chaos and gang fights have been shown, and in the most recent trailer we see a bridge to Gotham being destroyed, although not by an earthquake, with the main suspicion resting on Bane.  After all, we’ve already seen him watching over the destruction of a football field in a trailer that many fans believed contained clues to the first appearance of Robin in Nolan’s Batman world.  Although Robin seems to be a cop played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

It has already been made obvious that at some point Batman loses a fight to Bane, and leaves Gotham for some time, linking in to the Ra’s A Ghul angle, possibly returning to where he first escaped to and trained after the death of his parents.   Lots of chanting and mystery in the trailers has fuelled speculation that the League of Assassins will also be appearing.

Dark Knight Rises

So, to catch up, so far we have Bane, broken Batman, gang warfare in Gotham, Batman retiring/returning, and anywhere between 1-5 foes to fight and a possible sidekick or two.  The biggest spoiler and game changer in the most recent trailer is the emphasis on Catwoman.  A surprise addition to the ‘final’ film (and originally rumoured to be played by Cher at one point), she was first portrayed as a villain but now seems to be an ally.  But anyone who knows Catwoman knows she can switch allegiances in the time it takes you to say ‘Whiskas’.  She may also be a love interest, harking back to the Burton films and the more graphic depiction in the recent DC Catwoman comics.

Let’s also not forget an ageing Commissioner Gordon (Gary Oldman), Lucius Fox ([Morgan Freeman] who said he wouldn’t help Bruce Wayne anymore in the last film) and a flying Batmobile and it’s enough to make you as emotional as poor old Alfred (Michael Caine).

It’s almost enough to make you forget the Avengers.

As kid I loved a lot of crappy Eurodance, such as 2 Unlimited, but I had an excuse – I was a kid.  These days I am more into rock and ‘quality’ dance music (i.e Prodigy, Daft Punk), although I’ve found myself liking more and more music that I really should hate.  Everyone at some point likes a rubbish chart song, but in recent years I’ve taken a liking to many a terrible song (chavvy stuff like Court and Sinden -’ Beeper’ or ‘Take That’ by Wiley and Chew Fu).  Often because this is used regularly in a TV show I like or advert you can’t escape from.

Recently a song came out that sounded terrible before I even heard it – ”T.H.E (The Hardest Ever)’ by Will.I.Am, featuring Jennfier Lopez (taco taco taco) and Mick Jagger (yes, Mick Jagger, the Rolling Stone who looks like a foreskin).  Ironically, out of the 3 I prefer Will.I.Am.  This song was played daily in a gym I went to, and I actually got used to it.  Worryingly, I started to like it.  I do take an ironic joy in terrible lyrics, one of my favourites being ‘I don’t own a boat but I can float your boat’ from Timbaland’s ‘The Way I Are’ (the title is horrendous in itself).

This song beats The Way I Are hands down.  Will.I.Am was a fairly decent rapper, emerging in ‘Where is the Love’ which got them international recognition.  Then B.E.P churned out a bunch of songs that sounded pretty much the same, although were phenomenally successful and fairly catchy.   Then they launched their solo careers, and chasing Cheryl Cole seems to have demented Will’s vocabulary a bit.

Such poetic gems include;

”Hard like motherfucking liquid swords.”  Am I not getting something here? A GZA/Wu Tang Clan reference perhaps?
”Tell a jealous chicken I don’t know what the beef is.” Yeeeeeees.
”You can call a demon, I’mma call Jesus.” Nothing at all to do with the context of the song, and a lame attempt at a half-rhyme to the previous lyric.
”I woke up in the morning, hard like morning wood in the morning.”  Yep, rhyming morning with morning.  Twice.  To explain an erection.

And my personal favourite..

”I get stacks of cash, you get cashews.”

I happen to like cashews.  And they’re quite expensive.

Bob Dylan eat your heart out.

Anyway, judge for yourself;

So it’s been 20 years since the inception of the Premier League, which is a scary thought.  On a personal level, that means it’s been 19 years since my family returned to England after a 7 year stint in the Southern Hemisphere.  It also makes me feel incredibly old, especially going through the names of long-retired footballers that I used to stick in my Panini albums.

On a professional level, there are many arguments about the PL.  It can be argued this gave birth to the rise in greed in football, and in particular the extortionate prices for a match day ticket or shirt to pay the player’s wages.  I could talk about how we owe footballers nothing and they owe us everything (where else do you pay nearly an entire day’s wages to go and watch some mostly ungrateful men play a football match for 2 hours, that might not even be entertaining and in the freezing cold and rain?).  But I’ve moaned about that before, and we live in a society where these people are idolised, in my opinion without foundation.   You could also argue that this has harmed the international game with the influx of so many foreign players stunting the English youth, and on the flip-side of the coin has improved the game with so many different tactics and techniques being displayed and learned.

Football is at best an international language, a good way of keeping fit, and a good lesson in team-work.  At worst it is a business and a hotbed for corruption and greed.  The Premier League has arguably enhanced both.  But, on a more light-hearted note, I still enjoy it, I still watch it, I still use it as an excuse to go out and have a drink or put a bet on it, it allows many conversations with friends, family and strangers, and is an integral part of English (and British) society.  I also love football management games, and every year get involved in a ‘Dream Team’.

At the moment the Premier League website is choosing ‘best ever’ goals, celebrations, teams etc.  One particularly tough one is the best ever Premiership team.  There’s no doubt that there have been some absolute legends of the game gracing the PL in the last 2 decades, and I decided to apply my neuroticism to a best 11 (think Ross from Friends analysing every option and laminating the choices on a card at the end).

Here is the link to the nominees.  Already you will probably notice a few players that should have been on there, and a few that don’t deserve to be, but that’s the nature of opinion.  I think it’s a pretty good spread, and does remember the earlier days of the PL which are often forgotten in the more modern age of Rooneys and Van Persies (the latter doesn’t make the list although arguably will do on the 25h anniversary as he’s just won the PFA award).

I believe there is already a top 10 list, and sadly not one defender or goalkeeper made it on there.  Goals are always more noticeable than a good save, tackle or clean sheet I guess.  My personal all-time favourite player is Peter Schmeichel, the Danish goalkeeper with a red nose, fierce temper and gravity-defying ability of making a match-winning save.

So, Schmeichel is my obvious choice for goalkeeper.  Whilst I mostly agree with the list of keepers, there is a glaring admission in the shape of Nigel Martyn.  Tim Flowers too.  I think Joe Hart is a bit too recent to be included (and not experienced enough yet), Jose Reina and David James are a bit too inconsistent, and Schwarzer is perhaps not quite legendary enough although he did deserve a move to Arsenal which Mark Hughes cost him.  Mainstays such as Sørensen and Jääskeläinen miss out, as do old boys Beasant, Woods and Grobbelar (probably as their peak was before the PL’s time).

Out of all of the positions, I think right-back is the least strong.  For me there are only 2 candidates, Gary Neville and Lee Dixon, and I went with the latter on personal preference.  Arsenal are synonymous with the great English defence, and in his heyday Dixon was hard and consistent.  Many of the other nominees were very inconsistent although as most of them are ‘old’ it is hard to remember just how good they were at their peak.  Micah Richards and Glen Johnson are other examples of someone who hasn’t had several years to prove consistency yet, and the likes of Petrescu, Barton, Jones, Kelly and Sagna are dubious in my opinion.  But as I said, it’s a weak position compared to the rest.

Continuing the Arsenal trend, I’ve plumped for Tony Adams at centre back.  An unforgiving defender, he managed to be one of the greatest whilst being an alcoholic and (I think) cocaine addict, fuelling the notorious Arsenal defence headlines and jokes in the 90s and beyond.  One from the Brian Clough school of football I guess!  His partner was an easy choice to make for me – Jaap Stam.  A beast of a Dutchman, I remember a Champions League game when Zamorano kept backing into him and Stam stood as still as a rock letting the Chilean bounce off him.  In another game someone accidentally backed into him and nearly crapped themselves when they turned around and saw who it was.  Also anyone who criticises Gary Neville in an autobiography while playing on the same team as him is a legend in my book.   This is a strong category, with many people on the BBC Sport website feeling that Paul McGrath should have made it into Phil McNulty’s team.  Someone I think deserved a nomination, who I really liked for various reasons, was Frank Lebouef.  A ridiculous surname, a shiny bald head, a great goalscoring ability, and part of Chelsea’s resurgence, the Frenchman was a worthy contender but cruelly ignored.

Left back saw a much more consistent shortlist than right back, and this time there were people from all ‘eras’ of the PL.   Julian Dicks possibly deserved a nomination, but perhaps not for defensive reasons.  It was a tough choice between unsung hero Denis Irwin and England legend Stuart Pearce for me, but I went for Psycho, purely for his ability to perform at ‘smaller’ teams, his free kick ability and for being a sheer nutter at times.

On the right wing were some legends (and Joe Cole), with another recent footballer sneaking on in the shape or Aaron Lennon, unjustifiably so (perhaps Ashley Young too).   McManaman and Stone have question marks over them as they were only good for a relatively short period.  Anderton always seemed to be injured, and a couple on the list I actually thought were left wingers.   One name glares out amongst the rest though, even more than Beckham, and that’s Ronaldo.  As much as I dislike the guy for his arrogance and cheating, he is Messi’s main competitor as the best footballer in the world right now.  And that was shown at Man Utd as he developed from a wonderkid into an £80m galactico.  Although he wasn’t there for long he made a massive impact and will go down in the history books as one of the greatest.

Central midfield is probably the most hotly contested area long with the forwards.  Only one name on here doesn’t deserve to be – Claude Makelele. Fellow Chelsea player Roberto Di Matteo misses out, and Petit was arguably more of a left-sided player.  For biased reasons I’ve picked Matt Le Tissier, one of the most gifted players in the game, albeit lazy.  I met him a few times and unfortunately wasn’t very friendly, which didn’t exactly change my attitude to footballers, even domestic legends.  Still, his ability to score any sort of goal from a phenomenal distance, his penalty taking, and the fact he was often out the night before a big game in Jumpin’ Jaks and eating kebabs and still managing to produce the goods the next afternoon gets him in the team.  Glenn Hoddle shockingly left him out of the England 1998 World Cup squad despite scoring a hat-trick in a B team game meant to be deciding the remaining places.  Roy Keane would have had his place if it wasn’t for the fact he was a nasty man – purposefully injuring someone and bullying referees when things didn’t go his way, hardly professional.  His team-mate Paul Scholes gets in though, as one of the best midfielders in history according to various sources.  A quieter breed of footballer who was allegedly put on a steak and Guinness diet to beef up by Fergie, he has produced in some of the biggest games in history and retired from the England set-up too soon in many people’s opinions.  Zidane called him a complete midfielder, I don’t – he still can’t tackle.

Left wing was easy to pick – Ryan Giggs.  When not shagging his sister-in-law or Welsh attention seekers, he was tirelessly running up and down the wing scoring wonder goals and creating chances against the world’s best, and coming up with excuses to not play for Wales.   Silva and Bale sneak onto the list from recent times (deservedly I think, as I don’t see them getting any worse anytime soon), with Kewell, Duff, Ginola and Overmars from yesteryear, and John Barnes the year before that.

In football, it is nearly always strikers who are remembered.  And in the Premier League this is very evident.  It is perhaps no surprise that the shortlist for the forwards is remarkably competitive, with everyone enjoying legendary status.  There are definitely no weak links here, and a notable admission off the top of my head is Ole Gunnar Solksjaer.  Others might cite Les Ferdinand, Dwight Yorke, Chris Sutton, Teddy Sheringham or Stan Collymore, or even Tony Yeboah for his 2 season’s worth of wonder goals.  My second favourite player is Eric Cantona, and even though he  wasn’t a 20 or 30 goal a season type of forward he was talented.  And amusng.  And kung-fu kicks racists in the head.  Another example of someone retiring too early, but cleverly bowing out on top.  Due to this formation being 4-4-2 only (as per the Premier League website), it makes choosing a partner tough.  I might have plumped for a 4-3-3 position, leaving out Le Tissier (sorry) and putting in Denis Bergkamp.  It’s a toss-up between him and Thierry Henry, with Alan Shearer close behind.  While Shearer was a prolific goalscorer, he was somewhat boring to watch compared to the enigmatic Henry or the technically talented Bergkamp.  Henry is more of a striker, Bergkamp more of a forward (i.e not an out and out attacker).   Cole and Fowler wained in later years, but the others were strong contenders.   I have gone for Henry as he is the striker to Cantona’s forward essentially, although it was very close.

And so, after much deliberation when I should’ve been doing more practical things with my life, here is my Premier League XI (without pictures as I really should be in bed..)

GK Peter Schmeichel (Man Utd)

RB Lee Dixon (Arsenal)

CB Tony Adams (Arsenal)

CB Jaap Stam (Man Utd)

LB Stuart Pearce (Nottingham Forest, Newcastle, West Ham)

RM Cristiano Ronaldo (Man Utd)

CM Matt Le Tissier (Southampton)

CM Paul Scholes (Man Utd)

LM Ryan Giggs (Man Utd)

FW Eric Cantona (Man Utd)

FW Thierry Henry (Arsenal)

As for the manager, I’d have to go for Alex Ferguson on success alone.  He would also win on hypocrisy, damage to tea cups and whiskey drinking.  The top 5 list is a good one, with the exception of Harry Redknapp.  One good season with Pompey and another with Tottenham (well, 3/4 of a season) is not enough (plus he got two teams relegated)!

For the other nominations;

Player: Cantona

Team: Man Utd 1998/99

Year: No idea to be honest.  1998/99 probably.  According to the BBC, Sky and the general mass media every year of the PL is ‘the best ever’..

Quote: Hansen, just because of how wrong he was.

Goal: Le Tiss vs Newcastle, Beckham or Yeboah.  I’ll go for Le Tiss.

Best Match: Southampton 6-3 Man Utd should be on there.  But as it’s not, the Liverpool 4-3 Newcastle was amazing, as was Newcastle 5-0 Man Utd.

Save: Jääskeläinen’s double-save edges out Schmeichel’s efforts and Given’s.

Celebration: Lua Lua (although Ketsbaia’s was hilarious).

He’s alive, and friends with Rob Reiner apparently.   (Not ronery anymore I guess.)

Kim Jong or Jack Nicholson?

And just for the hell of it, here’s a photo of him Kim Jong-Chilling after a long hard day of dictatorship.

Kim Jong-Chill

I hate materialism.  I have nothing against capitalism, but I hate greed.  I hate wasting money on cheap crap made in China that you don’t need that breaks in a week anyway.  But I do acquire stuff.  I like stuff.  Inevitably when I need money, I sell this stuff (and give a lot of it to charity), and then end up with other stuff.  Anything that looks cool catches my eye, and on a rare occasion I reluctantly finding myself getting my wallet out.  Recently my mate and I came across one such item in Columbia Road in East London.  On this occasion I didn’t buy it (he did), but it’s only a matter of time.  And here it is.  A tea towel with a pug on it.

You can buy it here for a tenner.

Pugs Not Drugs!

CROSSED PSYCHOPATH (Mature readers)

Written by David Lapham, Drawn by Raulo Caceres

Published by Avatar

One of the many Crossed Psychopath covers

In 2008 Garth Ennis and Jacen Burrows gave us ’Crossed,’ a horror comic about a plague that turns humans into raping, murdering maniacs, distinguishable by the ‘cross’ that marks their face.  Reading like a more extreme version of The Road (or most zombie/dystopian plague style stories), it was bleak yet very popular.

The separate sequel ‘Crossed: Family Values’ was written by David Lapham and drawn by Jacen Burrows, following a similar storyline but a bit sicker, including an incestuous father character.   Crossed 3D followed (again written by Lapham but with Gianluca Pagliarani drawing) before the arrival of Crossed Psychopath.

By the time Psychopath arrived, Lapham had entered the realm of torture porn along with new artist Raulo Caceres.  The drawings are brilliantly detailed with graphic depictions of rape, murder and torture being the norm for this 7 part series.  Lapham manages to make Garth Ennis look tame, which is an achievement in itself, as we follow loner Harold Lorre befriend an unfortunate gang of survivors.  Harold pretends to be injured after the loss of his family, and depends on his new friends to help him survive.  Unbeknownst to them, he is a sociopath who is tracking down a group of Crossed responsible for killing a woman he was in love with, and whom he forced into a relationship when the plague hit.  Lapham described the story as a ‘kissing cousin’ to ‘The Killer Inside Me’.  A very gory, slutty cousin.

You feel guilty if you enjoy it, questioning at what point you became so dead inside, but at the same time are acutely aware why a lot of people find it to be one of the sickest comics ever produced.  The ending is somewhat disappointingly inconclusive, but any fans wanting more Crossed can enjoy Ennis and Burrow’s return to the saga with ‘Badlands’.  A movie is even reportedly in the pipeline, one of the producers being none other than Kevin Spacey.   Lapham, meanwhile, has taken his torturing and raping over to ‘Caligula’ for all your sicko needs.

Recommended, if you like the thought of Bambi’s mum being shot or Brooks hanging himself.

A song doesn’t always have to have great lyrics to be a good song, but it helps.  Sometimes just a sentence or two stand out, and sometimes the entire song is filled with incredible writing.  This is one of them, although ”I’ll squeeze into heaven and Valentine” is a contender for a tattoo if I ever decided to get one.  R.E.M are one of my favourite bands of all time, and this song appears to me as 1. I’ve worked in several offices, 2. I’ve worked night shifts before and 3. I used to get insomnia a lot.  This somehow manages to sum all of that up and more.

Daysleeper

“Daysleeper”

Receiving department, 3 A.M.
Staff cuts have socked up the overage
Directives are posted, no callbacks, complaints
Everywhere is calm

Hong Kong is present, Taipei awakes
All talk of circadian rhythm

I see today with a newsprint fray
My night is coloured headache gray
Daysleeper
Daysleeper
Daysleeper

The bull and the bear are marking their territories
They’re leading the blind with their international glories

I am the screen, the blinding light
I’m the screen, I work at night

I see today with a newsprint fray
My night is coloured headache gray
Don’t wake me with so much
Daysleeper

I cried the other night
I can’t even say why
Fluorescent flat caffeine lights
It’s furious balancing

I am the screen, the blinding light
I’m the screen, I work at night

I see today with a newsprint fray
My night is coloured headache gray
Don’t wake me with so much

The ocean machine is set to 9
I’ll squeeze into heaven and Valentine
My bed is pulling me, gravity
Daysleeper
Daysleeper
Daysleeper
Daysleeper
Daysleeper

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PAYING FOR IT by Chester Brown

Written and drawn by Chester Brown (foreword by Robert Crumb)

Published by Drawn and Quarterly

Paying For It cover

Paying for it is an autobiographical indie strip book, about ‘being a john’, i.e. paying for sex.  As if this premise isn’t interesting enough, it’s from Chester Brown, one of the Drawn and Quarterly gang also responsible for Brown’s friends and contemporaries Seth and Joe Matt, both of whom feature in the book.

Paying for It chronicles Brown’s experiences with prostitutes after deciding he never wants a relationship again.  After a break-up with his ex (whom he continued to live with) and being celibate for 3 years, he came to the decision he still wants to have sex, but not pursue a relationship, and sees ‘paying for it’ as the answer.  While humorous, it does offer an intriguing commentary on prostitution and the men who indulge in it, and is not morally judging or perverted.  The book ends with a written summary of Brown’s views.

The animation is minimalistic, the narrative is driven by the speech and this is the only way you can tell if any emotion is involved, of which there is little, owing to Brown’s awkwardness at connecting with other people(which has been illustrated in previous work).  Not quite as light-hearted as Joe Matt’s work (often chronicling his addiction to pornography and masturbation) or as serious as Seth’s work (often nostalgic and sentimental); Paying For It is an interesting look into another man’s life and a world many of us might be unlikely to encounter.

Highly recommended.